This Drifting Excrement Was Far Too Meaningful! These Are the Television Disappointments of the Year.

As we consider the television offerings of the past year, a handful of series stand out not for their brilliance, but for their spectacular shortcomings. Ranging from awkward spin-offs to bafflingly bad documentaries, here are the productions that had us utterly bewildered or just reaching for the remote.

And Just Like That

How to start with this love/hate spin-off? Plagued with woeful scripts, cringe-inducing character development (we demand better for Miranda!), and a paltry 71 seconds of fan-favourite Samantha, the series struggled to find its footing. Briefly, as the third season started, it seemed as if it had at last found its groove. Then arrived an episode all about Seema’s natural deodorant. Little surprise the creator declared this would be the last season. It ended on a bum note; the closeup of Miranda’s toilet flooded with poo was simply too symbolic. Yet, fans certainly had a hoot picking apart every single “what on earth?” moment. And as Carrie – a single woman once more – danced around her palatial townhouse to Barry White, who didn’t release a small sob?

All’s Fair

‘Is Kim Kardashian an actress? Of course she can’t.’

But that was practically the least of this drama's problems. The recipient of a exceedingly uncommon no-star review, it was difficult to know where to start enumerating the problems. The hilariously wooden dialogue? The tedious glorification of affluence and consumption? The seemingly wilful procession of tropes? Acting so poor they felt almost spiteful? Let’s just say “all of the above” and forget about this series again. However, a second season has been commissioned, so we’re likely going to have to.

The Charlie Sheen Documentary

Given the restraining orders, abuse allegations and fatherly failures, it’s fair to say Charlie Sheen has been a bad boy. Not you’d truly have known it from this three-part docuseries which smirked its way at Sheen’s various bouts of self-destructive excess while failing to tell us a single thing we weren't already aware of. Rather, it felt as if this loose cannon was being pandered to, so any pity this show might induce should be saved for the people who have had to suffer proximity with this charismatic but dismissive egotist.

The Supercomputer Drama

Naturally we understood it was preposterous from the outset: a thriller about a supercomputer known as Charlie Big Potatoes that could either solve global crises – or destroy all of humanity. We persevered out of sheer admiration for its leads … but by the end, it felt like even they had stopped bothering. One barely reacted when his character died, and the other ultimately slicing Charlie with an axe … in super slow-motion. That's what you call admitting defeat.

The Gangster Drama

Dodgy figures meeting in empty boxing gyms? A certain band's Firestarter jackhammering away in club scenes? The late 90s called and demands its gangland drama back.

Actually, that is unfair on the crime shows of the late 90s. Many look a bit dated now, but at least they didn’t endure the ignominy of having to indulge baffling dialects. But there were plenty of other problems. Primarily that it was just profoundly dull; a dispute over narcotics territory between various London picaresques which felt a bit basic.

With Love, Meghan

Considering the extent to which she provokes the ire of the nation’s performatively angry commentators, it’s almost tempting to admire the Duchess of Sussex’s various forays into quaint lifestyle as intentional provocations. But then you watch them and are forced to concede that actually, they may have a point. It’s like watching a homeware magazine animated; a meme for wine o’clock with ideas of grandeur; a parade of snoozing dogs, humming beehives, sentimental platitudes and forgettable crafting “tips” you’ll not remember instantly. All supported by vast, largely unearned wealth. Ugh.

The Beckham Documentary

There are clearly interesting things to be discussed about regarding Victoria Beckham and her journey with career, self-image, self-worth. But for whatever reason, this three-part series opted not to say them. Instead, the viewing was like consuming a sales brochure. She obviously has good reason to bridle at what she describes as her “stern” image. But sadly, she failed to do herself any helps with this guarded non-event of a series.

The Inheritance

It had the potential to be the next cultural phenomenon – except even camper, with a glamorous star as a deceased benefactor and a well-known personality overseeing her inheritance. What more could you ask for? As contestants competed, there was plenty of betrayal and squabbling. But the rules quickly became incomprehensible: it’s even now too complicated to detail what exactly was happening. Even more disappointingly, we only saw brief appearances of the star via prerecorded videos. The series ended up reeking of a production that was trying way too hard to emulate something far greater than it.

The Lena Dunham Romcom

How does one succeed a show that captured a generation? The expectation was enormous for this glitzy romantic comedy about Jessica, a hopeful New Yorker who lands in London with a shattered romance. The star seized the opportunity by the horns and was joyous to watch, embodying Austen levels of romantic ideals. But it was all very glossy and, paradoxically, was not enough. Plus, the abundance of celebrity friends involved felt icky.

The Sketch Show Return

Not even good enough to be ‘patchy’.

Given the smart inclusion of talented younger comics, expectations were high. But sadly, most of it didn’t land. A particular sketch was a single joke stretched to a dry pulp but recurring in every episode. One star seemed too willing to slip into a familiar irate mode. The behind-the-scenes sketches, in contrast, simply provoked the idea that they should probably have remained in there a while longer.

The Twisted Tale of Amanda Knox

This dramatisation of the story of Amanda Knox was executive produced by Amanda Knox and pretty much solely showcased the perspective of Amanda Knox. So, while there probably is an interesting drama to be made about the tragic 2007 murder, this was not it. The subject matter needed to be handled sensitively. Instead, the series struggled painfully to find the right voice, lumbering from strangely jaunty, slightly stylised farce to ultimately, real-life horror. Complex? Perhaps. A complete mess? Very much so.

The Maths Genius Thriller

We love the lead actor … but did we believe him playing the most brilliant maths genius since, a man so smart he’s on the brink of a discovery that could destabilise society? Nope! This globe-trotting thriller about government agencies spying on – and eliminating – intellectuals frankly got more farcical by the second. Formulaic nonsense.

1000 Men and Me: The Bonnie Blue Story

This uncritical portrait followed the online personality notorious for explicit exploits as she undertook her most extreme challenge yet. What on earth would motivate her? What we craved was far greater interrogation of her true psychology, plus those of the men in the line. They could at least have spoken to the now-famous mum who appeared to haul her son away from the queue. What we got was disturbing shots and zero critical analysis of her notoriety whatsoever. And to think, the documentary-maker has a teenage daughter too.